Friday, August 05, 2005

You have the right to shut up

Traffic Tickets

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?"

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh . . . did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a Good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Via: Hey Joe!

4 Comments:

Blogger pamibe said...

Heh Heh....

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cute. It reinforces my opinion that cops ought to be paid a lot more so that we can fire the ones who like to make jokes.

12:22 PM  
Blogger PJ said...

Hilarious, DD. Ahhh, but I have one that about-to-be ticketed might say if he/she has shit for brains.

Cop: "You were driving 50 in a 30 mph zone but I'm going to do you a favor and reduce it to 40."

Driver: "Well if you're going to lie about it, why don't we just forget the whole thing?"

3:49 PM  
Blogger PJ said...

For some reason I don't know your email address - I used to know it but I don't now. Must be the dementia setting in ... anyway, I posted to misc.writing and my rant is entitled "System errors." Somehow I think you'll like it, DD. :-)

2:08 PM  

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