What's Cooking?

"When the doctor held him upside down by his feet and swatted him on his naked butt, Da Kid didn't cry. He bellowed, "I want two large pizzas, extra cheese . . . "

Twenty-six years later, my 6-foot 4-inch, 170 pound eating machine remains a bottomless pit.

It's not that we didn't have any food in the refrigerator but it was mostly odds and ends. Since Da Kid was going out to eat with friends before eating dinner with Herself's family, and since he didn't have to go to work the next day, Hubby and I had planned on having drive-by Chinese.

That was the plan until the phone rang that night. It was Da Kid asking me to make sure he'd put his uniform in the dryer. (He hadn't.) Instead of being off, he'd gotten a call asking him to cover a shift at another station the next day.

So much for drive-by Chinese.

Once Da Kid finished with that 24-hour shift, he'd be heading straight to his station for his own 24-hour one. Both are one-man stations out in the middle of nowhere and while there's "TV dinners" in the freezer . . . For two days straight?

<shiver>

Fifteen minutes later I had water boiling for pasta and a pan of Chicken Parmesan in the oven.

This is how I did it:

(1) 5" x 9" baking dish. (I think that's the size. I've had them for so long I don't remember.)
(1) Saucepan
(4) 15 oz. cans of tomato sauce
(8) Tyson® Breaded Chicken Breast Patties.
(1) 8 oz. package of shredded mozzarella

Oregano, basil, bay leaf and since there wasn't time for the real stuff, garlic powder and onion powder.

I dumped the tomato sauce in the saucepan. While it heated to bubbling (and the oven was preheating to 300 degrees) I added 2 tablespoons each of oregano and basil, 1 bay leaf, and 1 teaspoon each of garlic powder and onion powder. I reduced the heat and let it simmer while . . .

. . . beating apart the frozen mozzarella while trying to find the kitchen scissors to open it and the bag of chicken breast patties, snatched from the big chest freezer in the garage.

I coated the bottom of the baking pan with sauce. After laying the chicken patties . . .

(I KNOW THEY'RE STILL FROZEN! YES, THEY OVERLAP! THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING WHERE YOU PUT THE SCISSORS, HUBBY. NOW . . . GO AWAY!)

. . . in the pan, I covered them with sauce . . .

(NO I'M NOT USING ALL OF IT. WE'LL NEED SOME FOR THE PASTA! YES, THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING WHERE YOU PUT THE SCISSORS. GO AWAY!)

. . . and topped it with the shredded mozzarella.

(I KNOW IT'S CLUMPY!)

I sprinkled oregano over the cheese, and covered the pan loosely with aluminum foil — slightly peaked like a tent — with openings at each end. (The idea is to reflect the heat back into the pan without burning the chee . . . )

(HUBBY? YOU SEE THESE KITCHEN SCISSORS. Pa-LEEZE DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU. GO AWAY!!!)

I put the pan — on a cookie sheet to catch any drips — in a 300 degree oven for about 30 minutes. When done, I removed the aluminum foil and let it continue baking for ten minutes more (or so) to brown the cheese.

Meanwhile, I had plenty of time to cook, rinse and drain the pasta.

The pan makes 8 servings for normal people.

I had one serving. Hubby had another.

The other six disappeared the next morning (along with the remaining pasta and sauce) when Da Kid went to work.

(No husbands were harmed in the preparation of this meal. But, it was close.)

LATER: "HEY! Look over there! Is that a giant spider on your wall?"

Nope. It's just the April Fool's Day edition of the Carnival of the Recipes.