Or theven? Maybe eight? Who knowth. It wath thicth yearth ago today I came here for good. No more day vithitth or Tank vithiting me at the hothpital to make thure we got along. Thicth yearth ago I came home.
I wathn't thure what home wath back then. I wath at the hothpital for tho long I thought that wath it. I don't remember anymore where I wath before that. At leatht not when I'm awake and hardly anymore when I'm thleeping, either. I'd be real thcared when I did. Tank would thtick his head on top of me and thay everything wath fine. I wath here now. I wath home.
Tank taught what a good dog doth, and he taught me what a bad dog thouldn't do. It'th a lot to remember and thometimeth I thtill forget. Noeth are things bad dogth do but back then, I didn't know that tho I did them all. But . . . well, like thcooting out the fenth? Nuh-uh! Now I'm a good boy!
I did that no a lot at firtht, though, but I learned fatht not to. Really fatht. I never went far . . . and I thought it wath fun with my people walking after me. I could thee them and they could thee me but I'd let them get thith clothe and then I'd thcoot away thaying, "Can't catth me!"
Ecthept I'd get thirthty and go back home to get a drink. Tank would be waiting inthide the open gate. It'th hanging wide open and there wath Tank, thitting there waiting, becauth he thaid good dogth don't leave.
Every thingle time I got back, ath thoon ath My People got there too they clothed the gate. Tank would chathe me all over the yard until I couldn't run anymore, and then he'd beat the livin' thit out of me.
Anyway, My Boy wath home today and thaid I thmelled doggie. Thometimes I don't think he'th too thmart, either! Duh! I AM a dog!!!
But no. He thaid it was time for me to have a <thhiver> bath. I'm not thcared, I jutht REALLY hate getting wet. Hate it.
My Boy thayth I need thpethal thampoo. With condithoners and thit like that in it. I thought I'd never have to have another <thhiver> bath when they ran out after my latht one. My mithtake.
They bought more thampoo. It'th a different thampoo, though.
I'm thoft and thiney, but I don't think My People are ethpethially pleathed with thith one.
I don't thmell "doggie," anymore. Now they thay I thmell like . . .
Thomebody want to tell me what a whorehouthe ith?
LATER: Carnivalized at this week's Carnival of the Dogs.