"I feel ridiculous. Get it off."

"I mean it, I feel ridiculous. Get it off.

"Lady, just because your boyfriend doesn’t want to settle down, doesn’t mean you should pretend that I’m a real baby in hopes that he’ll play along in your twisted game of “house”. I promise you’re scaring him off, and it makes you look insane. Think about it, you dress me like a Gap employee and tote me around like a damned fashion accessory. It’s disgusting, and you need to get your shit straight. Meantime, you can stop force-feeding me Altoids, you bitch.

"While I’m on the record, there are some other things . . ."

Please take a moment to review your DRINK ALERT instructions before continuing on to "some other things" here.

(Via Brannon Denning, one of the four bloggers subbing at Instapundit.)

LATER: Carnivalized at this week's Carnival of the Dogs.